Men's Health Guide to the Best Sex in the World

CHAPTER 13. HAVE THE WILDEST SEX IN THE WORLD

Make Your Fantasies Come True

It's not for nothing that they say the brain is your most important sexual organ. Pretty much everything you want—between the sheets, and outside of them as well—starts as an idea in your head. “A sexual fantasy refers to any mental image that is erotic and arousing to that person. It can be an elaborate story, a reminiscence of a past encounter, or a dream of a future one,” says Victoria Zdrok, PhD, a.k.a. Dr. Z, a Russian-born dating coach, author, radio host, and Penthouse columnist. (Did we mention that she was a Playboy centerfold, too?)

According to Dr. Z, those who frequently fantasize masturbate more often, have sex more often, have more partners, and engage in a wider variety of erotic activities than infrequent fantasizers. So get your thinking cap on! In this chapter, we'll show you who in the world thinks about what most often (and who thinks about it least!) and how to put this tremendous pleasure power to work for you.

Bringing Fantasies into the Bedroom

As any sex therapist can tell you, there's tremendous variety in what “normal” people think about. One man's dreams of oversized rumps are another man's reverie about thigh-high rubber boots. This diversity makes us very anxious. Dr. Z says that according to research, about one in four people feel strong guilt about their fantasies, and the way most of us deal with this guilt is to repress it. In one study of college students, 22 percent of women and 8 percent of men said they usually try to suppress the feelings associated with fantasy. But research has shown that those who feel guilt about their fantasies have sex less often and enjoy it considerably less.

There's tremendous variety in what “normal” people think about.

“People feel guilty when their fantasy and personal ideology are in conflict,” says Dr. Z. “A strong and independent woman may feel guilty and ashamed about having fantasies of being dominated by an insensitive brute. People who have what they consider to be unusual or deviant fantasies may also feel guilt and shame about them—and may even fear that such fantasies will cause them to lose control or act out in socially unacceptable ways.”

But there's no need to feel uncomfortable. Sometimes, fantasies are a dress rehearsal for the real thing. Other times, they're the best place to act out things we'd never otherwise do; in fact, sometimes they're sexy precisely because they're not in the realm of reality.

Another major source of anxiety comes from thinking about someone who's not your partner. Does doing so make you unfaithful? It doesn't, actually—a good thing, since most people's fantasies aren't about their current partners. “We consider such fantasies a form of symbolic betrayal or cognitive infidelity, and they make us question our integrity—how can we be in love with one person and thinking about another?” says Dr. Z. But thinking about someone else in your most private moment doesn't mean that you are disloyal or no longer find your current partner desirable. It's just a case of the mind doing what comes naturally. What's unnatural is trying to stop it.

In fact, an active fantasy life can be a real benefit to your relationship: You can use your fantasies to spark up your sex life when the fizzle has set in. And if you're more sexually curious than your partner is, an active fantasy life can help you to stay contented with a less-adventurous physical relationship.

Are all fantasies appropriate to share? Not necessarily, say many experts. Here's a litmus test for whether you should show her yours—or just keep your big mouth shut.

Is she going to freak out? “You know the person you're with, and you need to ask yourself if she's going to freak out,” says Robin Milhausen, PhD, associate professor at Canada's University of Guelph and the host of Sex, Toys, and Chocolate, a no-holds-barred Canadian TV show about sex. “Before you introduce something, ask yourself: Is this something that she can handle, or will this push her past her comfort level?” For instance, you wouldn't want to introduce the idea of a strong dominance fantasy with a woman who's had a history of violent relationships.

Is she going to read too much into it? “Sometimes we attribute more importance to fantasies than we should,” says Dr. Milhausen. “Just because something turns you on to think about doesn't necessarily mean that it's an expression of your deepest, darkest desires. A lot of women think about having sex with five guys at once, for instance. But they don't really want to; the reality would be terrifying.”

“I have a fantasy about converting a lesbian—you know, ‘My man-loving is so good, she'll never go back to women’ type of a thing,” says Witold, who works for an airline in Poland. “It's just a silly thing that I think about sometimes. I made the mistake of telling my girlfriend about it, and she went crazy! Suddenly, she was convinced that there was something wrong with me or that I was attracted to gay women; she couldn't let it go.”

In such a case, it's better to keep quiet. After all, the goal of sharing your fantasies is to make your sex life more erotic and to help you realize your sexual potential. And you can't do that sleeping on the porch. With that in mind, we talked to some of the world's foremost experts about how to bring your partner along as you dip your toe into the world of adventurous sex.

“Tell Me What You're Thinking About”

Few men have trouble telling dirty jokes or bragging to a buddy about their Saturday-night conquests. But when it comes to talking openly, honestly, and explicitly about sex with a partner, inhibitions often choke the words.

“Inhibitions are leftovers from old messages transmitted to us as children that sex is disgusting, sinful, and harmful,” says Ira L. Reiss, PhD, former president of the International Academy of Sex Research and the author of An End to Shame: Shaping Our Next Sexual Revolution. We hold on to those beliefs as adults, he says, and the result is often shame and the inability to fully enjoy sex.

The first thing to remember, according to Barbara Carrellas, sex educator and author of Urban Tantra: Sacred Sex for the Twenty-First Century, is this: “Asking for what you want is not a demand or an ultimatum. It's a sincere request which your partner may honor or politely decline.”

In general, women love secrets and finding out new things about you. “There's no set way to do this—you're talking about a tremendous amount of variations here: how comfortable someone is talking about sex, how much trust and emotional intimacy exists in the partnership, how similar their goals and drives are,” says David Seal, PhD, associate professor in the department of psychiatry and behavioral medicine at the Medical College of Wisconsin. “Essentially, what you're talking about is the degree of sexual compatibility that two people have, and the degree to which they're able to, or willing to, compromise to accommodate the other person.”

These conversations can be difficult, Dr. Seal admits, but he also says that the couples who are able to navigate them successfully have the best relationships, not just sexually but emotionally.

There's a certain degree of inherent risk in a conversation of this sort, says Dr. Seal. A bad response, like it or not, is a possibility. And even if you're prepared, it can really be hurtful. Consider these two stories: “I shared something I had thought about since adolescence with my girlfriend, and she laughed,” says Carlos, a doctor in Venezuela. “She didn't mean to, and she apologized; but for me, the relationship was dead after that.”

“I had a fantasy of being taken by an intruder—surprised, tied up, taken by force—the whole thing. When I finally got the courage to tell my husband, I could tell he was a little put-off, but we tried it anyway, and the whole thing was just totally pathetic,” says Jessica, a Brit who lives in Cairo. “I wish I'd kept my mouth shut—then at least I'd still have the fantasy.”

So look before you leap. “Ask yourself, ‘Is this something that can be taken back?’ If you're about to initiate a conversation about something, you might want to ask yourself if it's going to be something she can easily recover from,” says Dr. Milhausen.

Some good first steps:

Figure it out for yourself. It's a good idea to know what you want from a fantasy and to be able to articulate it clearly to yourself before you introduce it to your partner.

Let's say, for instance, that thinking about a threesome gets you incredibly hot and bothered. There are a lot of different variations on this common fantasy—what is it about it that makes you so turned on? Is it the idea of two women servicing you sexually? Is it the feeling of mastery you get from knowing that you can satisfy both of them? Is it the idea of watching two women enjoy one another? Would you actually want to participate, or just watch?

Most important, is this a fantasy you just like thinking about, or is it something you'd actually like to experience?

Wade, don't dive. “Sharing sexual fantasies with your partner requires good communication and a high degree of trust,” says Dr. Z. You can say that again!

She proposes that you start by discussing the topic generally, and see how your partner responds. “One way a man can do it without risking revulsion or feeling too vulnerable is by renting a movie or DVD involving this fantasy and then discussing it together,” says Dr. Z.

Almost every single expert we asked for advice on broaching the topic of a fantasy with a partner mentioned using a magazine article, a talk show, a sitcom, or some other “real world” prop as a trigger. A botched threesome is the comedic premise on the Friends rerun you're watching in bed together; you find out that two of your friends shared a very public tryst on the Staten Island Ferry; paparazzi capture a celebrity having her toes sucked by her boyfriend. (Dr. Z recommends the TV series Nip/Tuck, which features pretty much any off-road fantasy—sex with a transvestite!—you might have.) All of these can be launching pads for a discussion, opportunities for you to share a fantasy you've been thinking about.

Tell her you had a wild dream about her, then make her pry it out of you.

“I've always really been into the idea of role-play, so one night, I ‘accidentally’ left an article about it in one of my women's magazines open on the table,” says Dorke, a documentary film-maker in Germany. “When I came back, my husband was flipping through the article, and he asked me if I thought we could try something. I practically did a cartwheel.”

Tell her you had a wild dream about her, then make her pry it out of you, suggests Ian Kerner, PhD, a sex therapist and the author of She Comes First. Nobody can blame you for a dream, after all—and if it's not something she's interested in pursuing, it's easy to let the subject drop.

Make her feel good about herself. “The sexier she feels and the better she thinks she is at sex, the more inclined she'll be to try new things,” says Australian-British expert Tracey Cox, author of Supersex. “The secret to talking her into doing anything she's nervous about? Send a very clear message: I want you more than I want to do this. Followed closely by: You don't have to agree if you don't want to.”

Take it outside. Dr. Seal suggests that such conversations are better held outside of the bedroom and the emotions and natural vulnerabilities of the arousal state. Dr. Milhausen agrees: “Talking about sex in the bedroom is a mistake—it's too proximal. It's always better to bring it up in a calm, cool, separate way.”

In other words, it's probably best not to spring something new on her while you're hot and heavy between the sheets—unless your fantasy is hearing her yell, “What the hell are you trying to do?” Introduce the topic at a private but nonsexual time—over dinner, for instance, or while the two of you are quietly sitting on the couch. (A foot massage during this conversation is not going to hurt your cause, incidentally.)

If she's sexually adventurous, you can make a game out of this too. Go to dinner at a super-fancy restaurant and agree that “during the meal, you're allowed to talk only about sexual fantasies,” suggests Patricia Love, MD, coauthor of Hot Monogamy. “There's something very erotic about being public and being surreptitious about your sexuality.”

But the conversation is essential. “It's better to know what the boundaries are—even if you don't like them—than to try to go somewhere that someone doesn't want you to go,” says Dr. Seal.

Keep the tone playful. Sex doesn't have to be serious! And you're going to freak her out if she thinks that what you're proposing is a deal-breaker. If there's something you want to try, talk to her about it in a light and playful way. Dr. Z recommends an adult game of Truth or Dare.

No matter what, keep your head held high. “Don't inject guilt or shame into the mix—those guys have no place in the bedroom at all!” says Japanese-German sex educator Midori, author of Wild Side Sex.“Instead of saying, ‘You're probably going to think I'm a freak for even wanting this, but would you tie me up?’ try this instead: ‘Hey, I've been having these naughty thoughts—do you want to try something new tonight?’”

Get her turned on about it. If you pressure her, she's going to balk. Instead, harness her own desire, and use that power for good. Plant the seed of your fantasy—“I've been thinking about how incredibly sexy you'd look with sand all over you, and the way your skin would feel, all hot from the sun”—and let her libido do the work for you.

It worked with Marina from Brazil: “He made me see myself as a sexual adventuress—someone who would have sex in public because I wanted it. He'd push me a little further every time—feeling me up on a balcony at a party, going really far on a crowded train. We finally did it in a park, after what felt like months of foreplay. And it was my idea when we finally did!”

Plant the seed of your fantasy and let her libido do the work for you.

It ain't broke! Make it clear that you're suggesting an addition to, not a replacement for, your current sex life—and that what you're proposing isn't an intervention but an enhancement of an already fantastic sex life.

She may not want to put on that Catholic schoolgirl uniform because she's afraid she's going to have to do it every time. And she may feel hurt by the suggestion that the regular sex you're having needs some spicing up—even if she agrees. So make it clear that she won't have to wear the Britney costume every time, and that you're really happy and content with the way things are between you right now.

“Don't imply that you want this because the sex has grown stale,” says Mark Elliot, PhD, director of the Institute for Psychological and Sexual Health, in Columbus, Ohio. “When you phrase it as something fun you want to try, it's about having a good time, not fixing something that's broken.”

Keep her in the picture. She doesn't want to feel like she's an interchangeable part of the fantasy—a prop like the clothes or the location. Make it clear that it's not the tartan skirt that turns you on, but the idea of her as a slutty parochial schoolgirl that makes you hot.

“When you introduce something out of the ordinary, be sure to make her the focal point,” says Lorelei Sharkey, author of Rec Sex and one half of the New York magazine sex-advice duo Em and Lo. “This makes it more about your relationship with her than about your private fantasies.”

If you sense that she's receptive, you can start talking about your fantasies when you're intimate—“I can't stop thinking about you tying me up,” for instance—and see how she responds.

What's in it for her? “Have the conversation in a collaborative way,” advises Christine Webber, a British psychotherapist and sex columnist for Netdoctor UK. She suggests language like: “We get along so well, I was wondering if there's anything that you have been thinking about or would like to try.”

Midori also suggests that when you broach the subject, you make sure you're asking as many questions as you're answering. If you create a nonjudgmental space where she can share her fantasies too, she's more likely to turn a sympathetic ear to yours. And if you take it to the next step and put one of her fantasies into play, you're opening the door for one of yours to come true as well.

What do you do if what she's into isn't your bag? Midori says that's the time to smile, nod, and move on. “Thank you for being open with me; I love knowing what you think about. I'm not sure that dressing up like a pirate is necessarily my cup of tea, though I'd like to hear more about it. But first, is there anything else you've been thinking about?”

Wait. Unless you met her at a fetish party, the first date isn't the best time for you to whip out your, uh, bullwhip. In most cases, time, tact, and trust will get you where you need to go. Sixty-six percent of the women we talked to during a Men's Health poll said that they're most willing to experiment after some time in a relationship.

Create a safe zone. “We were having sex in a park, and a cop caught us and made us stop,” says Jon, a French academic. “I actually thought it was pretty funny (I think the cop did too). But even though there were no real consequences, my girlfriend was furious and humiliated about it for weeks afterward.”

Don't underestimate the power of social conditioning; even the most liberated woman has been taught that behaving in a sexually open and provocative manner will cheapen her value. “There's the whole ‘slut’ complex you have to get past,” says Candida Royalle, a producer of femme-friendly adult films and a veteran adult-film star. “Make her feel like she won't be judged.”

Write it down. If she's shy, suggest that you swap fantasies on paper, one naughty one (sex in public) and one nice one (a long foot-rub) each. Dr. Z suggests trading disclosures: Each person can write down sexual wishes and put them into the “sexual wish” basket, taking turns drawing them every night. Writing things down can be easier than saying them—and it can be very sexy indeed to see your honey's deepest, darkest fantasies in writing!

If you both tend toward the exhibitionist, send her a dirty postcard with suggestions for the weekend. What you want will be just between you, her, and her postal carrier.

Find out why not. “If your partner is reluctant to engage in a fantasy with you, you need to find out why—not just that she doesn't want to, but why she doesn't want to,” says Dr. Milhausen. For instance, if a woman has a troublesome body image, sex with all the lights on or in front of a mirror isn't just “not sexy” to her, it's the worst-case scenario—an absolute nightmare.

Sometimes those needs can be addressed so that both of you can get what you want. Maybe a gorgeous new black satin bustier would hold her tummy in enough that she wouldn't mind a round in front of the full-length mirror. Maybe light bondage would appeal to her more if you got her a pair of fuzzy pink cuffs and let her use them on you first.

Permission to laugh. Cox suggests that you reassure your partner that you're just as likely to be embarrassed by something, and that you're laughing with her, not at her. “It's often simply a matter of giving her—actually, make that both of you—permission not just to laugh, but really laugh if things go wrong. It's better to laugh than to be overserious.”

The Next Steps

Okay, she's agreed to give it a shot. How do you go about incorporating your fantasy into your real-life sex life?

Normalize it. “The first step in getting your partner to try out a fantasy is to ‘normalize’ the experience. Show her that other people have this fantasy as well,” says Dr. Z. She suggests reading books that compile people's fantasies, such as Nancy Friday's My Secret Garden, or checking out some Web sites and chat groups together. Watching mainstream films is another good way to normalize your partner's fantasies. (See “Let's Go to the Movies” on page 254 for some suggestions.)


LET'S GO TO THE MOVIES

Mainstream movies with not-so-mainstream scenes:

The Bitter Moon: mild S&M, voyeurism, and exhibitionism

Last Tango in Paris: anal play

Bound: lesbianism

9½ Weeks: sex and food; stripper fantasies

Body of Evidence: mild S&M

Emmanuelle: mile-high club, lesbianism


If you're ready to take the next step, Dr. Z recommends introducing couples-oriented X-rated films featuring the fantasies in question. (She recommends women-friendly films by Candida Royalle, dreamy films by Andrew Blake, or fast-paced music video–like films by Michael Ninn.)

Plan it. If you've both decided to make it happen, “it should be well planned out and discussed in advance,” says Dr. Z. She also warns you that “fantasies often lose their erotic appeal after they are brought into practice, so if a fantasy is a particularly cherished one, it may be best left unfulfilled.”

And it pays to move in increments. “I recommend that my patients introduce a new sexual concept no more than once a week, or every second time they have sex,” says Alex Caroline Robboy, the founder of www.howtohavegoodsex.com. Otherwise, you're going to overwhelm her.

Baby steps are always the best first move, says Dee McDonald, the founder of the Centre for Sexual Wellbeing in London and Sussex. “Even if the two of you are both into the full-on fantasy, it's still best to start slow, talking a lot about it and incorporating a little of what you'd like to try into your ordinary lovemaking.”

Use a safe word. People who play seriously with bondage, sadomasochism, and domination use what's called a “safe word.” A safe word is one that's completely out of context of the fantasy—the color green, for instance, or the word “Bayonne”—that either partner can use to stop the action. After all, if the game is that you're tying her up and taking her “by force” while she “begs” you to stop, how will you know when it really is too much?

This trick brings a welcome degree of freedom: When either of you hears that word, you snap out of character and stop whatever you're doing (and if she's in restraints, ask her if she wants to be released).

Some people even use a graded safe word—“gray,” for instance—to indicate that they need a break, or need to check in with their partner about something; “black” to call a stop to the action altogether. And a word like “green”—for green light—can be used to indicate that you're still on board to a partner who's worried about how you're doing without breaking the fantasy.


MIDORI'S SANDWICH METHOD

Japanese-German sex educator Midori has spent the last 20 years teaching men all over the world how to make their sex lives more adventurous, and she's come up with a brilliant approach for incorporating something. She calls it The Sandwich Method. Listen, and learn.

“Imagine a sandwich. Now imagine that the Regular Good Sex you have with your partner is the bread, and whatever new activity you want to introduce is the filling. So let's say that your Regular Good Sex (RGS for short) usually follows this template: You make out a little, you play with her breasts, you give oral sex, you receive a little oral sex, and then you proceed to intercourse.

“Now let's say you want to introduce a light spanking into this routine, and your partner has agreed that this is something she's willing to try. So you go about doing everything the way you would normally, but before you go down on her, you tickle her ass a little, and then give her a couple of smacks.”

Here's why The Sandwich Method is great: Let's say she's loving it. Then you're going to have a thick sandwich tonight, one with a little more filling before you get back to the bread. But let's say it flops—she's uncomfortable, or you don't like it as much as you thought you were going to—then you simply pick up where you left off, going right back to the RGS. You go down on her, she goes down on you, and you both proceed on to your happy ending like always. And because humans are programmed to remember the beginning and the ending of an experience better than the middle, your romantic opener and her great orgasm are going to be what she remembers best.”

The beauty of this method is that it's the perfect way to introduce practically everything.


It's time now to look at who in the world thinks about what, and what their advice is for dipping your toe in—or, if you're up for it, taking the plunge.

Watching Porn with Your Partner

It's long been said that men are more aroused by visual stimuli than women are. But that's not what the research shows. A study at the Washington University School of Medicine in St. Louis measured brain-wave activity of 264 women as they viewed erotic imagery. The conclusion: Women have responses as strong as those seen in men. And Australian researchers found that when men and women watched the same scenes from adult films, women got a bigger adrenaline rush.

So why don't more women like to watch porn? First of all, a lot of them do, but they may not like the same movies you do. The cheesy plots and absence of intimacy between the characters don't help. “I don't need hearts and flowers, but it's nice if they don't look like they hate each other,” says Marina from Brazil.


QUICKIE STATS

Percentage of men who watch porn every day:

1.

Brazil

30.1 percent

2.

Indonesia

28.4 percent

3.

United Kingdom   

24.5 percent

4.

Philippines

23.3 percent

5.

Portugal

22.7 percent

 

United States

19.5 percent

 

World average

15.9 percent


It can also be intimidating. “A lot of women feel threatened by the way the women look—all gorgeous legs and blonde hair and giant breasts,” says Valerie Gibson, sex and relationships columnist for the Toronto Sun. In fact, there's been a dramatic upsurge in female genital reconstruction because women want to look more like porn stars (or one of the celebrities that has recently been photographed disembarking from a limo sans panties). In the same way that his 9 inches can give you a bit of pause when you look down at your own more modest endowment, seeing all that perfect blonde silicone onscreen can make her wonder whether her lack of surgically enhanced bodaciousness leaves you cold. Reassure her prolifically on that count, and you'll be in good shape.

But Gibson raises another point to explain why porn doesn't do it for more women: “A lot of women feel that sex, as it is shown in most traditional pornography, is misrepresentative. It looks like what it is—a performance.” We heard this reflected in comments from many of the women we talked to. “I always think porn does men such a disservice,” says Emma, a British publicist. “In a way, it really teaches them to ‘do it’ wrong, doesn't it? I mean, all these women who come just from sex, and all the pounding and the ridiculous way they all give oral sex, which would just be a disaster for a real woman.”

Ease in gently. Naked News, a news program based in Toronto, has both male and female webcasts. Close your eyes and it sounds like a normal newscast; open them, and you'll see that all the newsreaders are strangely nekkid.

No, it's not porn—in fact, the news is really solid. But it is a way for you to hang out with your partner and watch people who aren't wearing any clothes. And to catch up on current events while you're at it. Log on at www.nakednews.com.

Educate yourself. The most popular educational video sold at Good Vibrations, a sex-positive sex toy store in San Francisco, is Sex: A Lifelong Pleasure. It's a five-part Dutch-made series designed for heterosexual couples. Other options include the Better Sex and Sinclair Library titles, or How to Female Ejaculate, which defines the G-spot and concludes with—are you ready for this?—five women having simultaneous orgasms.

Go ancient. Another option is to give her a pillow book. Much of erotic art throughout history was designed not only to educate (put her leg here) but to titillate. Shunga are Japanese erotic paintings of the 16th, 17th, and 18th centuries; many reprints are available, as well as reproductions of the Kama Sutra and other antique and ancient texts. Tasteful and yet super-explicit, this is a classy way to get her looking at naked pictures.

Although our advice is generally to involve her, going to the movie store to pick something out might very well be something she's too uncomfortable to do. Choose something online, or offer to pick out something yourself. Don't forget that you can handily use porn to incorporate one of the other fantasies in this chapter. If she won't actually go home with you and another girl, for instance, you can watch porn about a threesome and dream.

Sarah Hedley, British expert and author of Sex by Numbers, suggests that you might want to give her oral sex during the movie. Always a bonus feature.


QUICKIE STATS

Percentage of men who fantasize about having sex in the wilderness:

1.

Ukraine

37.1 percent

2.

Russia

32.5 percent

3.

Portugal

25.0 percent

4.

Hungary

23.1 percent

5.

Netherlands

22.6 percent

6.

Brazil

19.0 percent

 

Least (Slovenia)   

9.4 percent

 

United States

12.2 percent


Having Sex in the Great Outdoors

Frankly, we were a little surprised that this was such a popular choice in places with such difficult climates. “Just in the summertime!” says Anna from Ukraine. “Unless there are many furs.” It's also curious that such geographically proximate places had such strong reactions for and against. And are we the only people who saw The Blair Witch Project?

At any rate, for more information about making this dream come true, see page 226, which has lots of tips.

Outrageous Lingerie

Nearly 17 percent of men worldwide wish they had the magical ability to see through women's clothes. We can't actually give you x-ray vision, but here's the next best thing (and the seventh most popular fantasy out there): Get her to wear sexy lingerie.

Women love erotic underwear, and it can be a very indulgent present—and a hot one—even for a good girl. “My boyfriend bought me lacy lingerie that's unlike anything I've ever worn,” says Brittany, a teacher from Canada. “It's not my style at all, but when I wear it, I feel like a different person in bed—sexy, crazy, empowered.”


QUICKIE STATS

Percentage of men who fantasize about outrageous lingerie:

1.

Czech Republic   

26.3 percent

2.

Portugal

26.2 percent

3.

Indonesia

25.2 percent

4.

Hungary

23.8 percent

5.

Netherlands

21.7 percent

 

Least Ukraine)

4.3 percent

 

United States

16.3 percent


You wouldn't know it from the pajama party movies, but a lot of women don't have a lot of experience with lingerie. Many more find that wearing revealing clothes, even in the sanctity of the bedroom, calls up too many uncomfortable body image issues. But just because she hasn't worn lingerie before doesn't mean she'll never wear it, especially if you show a little patience. She might not be ready for a red Merry Widow–and-stocking set just yet—but perhaps she might be convinced to swap her flannel granny nightie for a pretty cotton tank-top and boxer set. When she wears it, go heavy on the compliments. Start slowly, and build from there.

Have fun shopping! Lingerie boutiques today cater as much to men as to women, and if you can relax and enjoy it, the experience itself can be a form of foreplay. It's a good idea to call ahead; some stores will actually allow you to make an appointment.

Give the salesperson as much information as you can about the woman you're buying for—what type of perfume she favors, her hair color and skin tone, the type of lingerie she's bought for herself in the past. Check her underwear drawer for her sizes, and if you can get away with it, sneak a bra and panty set out of her drawer and take it with you for comparison purposes. Sizes can vary pretty widely, and fit is important. In any case, save the receipt.

There are the obvious retailers, of course:

www.victoriassecret.com

www.fredericksofhollywood.com

www.agentprovocateur.com


WINE, CHEESE, AND ONE MORE REASON TO THANK THE FRENCH

High-heeled shoes didn't appear in the United States until the mid-1800s, says Don Voorhees, the author of Quickies: Fascinating Facts about the Facts of Life. They had been popular amongst the European aristocracy for a long time and were finally introduced to the States by a French prostitute who brought several pairs with her to a New Orleans brothel.

The French also invented the negligee. In fact, the word comes from the French word for negligent—as in, she was so busy lying around the house in her sexy underthings that she neglected to empty the dishwasher. Which is totally okay, by the way. Carry on.


For something a little more special, you might try one of the following:

image 37=1 Atelier: This New York store has reduced lingerie to the simplest geometry; they will make it to order. http://jeanyu.com/

image Eres Paris: The legendary French line of lingerie from the country that invented it. www.eresparis.com

image La Perla: Founded in 1954. Italian tailoring meets the sexiest underwear out there. www.laperla.com

image Myla: This British company's unofficial motto is “Great sex is a private indulgence and the ultimate luxury.” While you're there, check out their line of ultra-luxe sex toys, so beautiful you could display them on your coffee table, never mind the nightstand. www.myla.com/us/

Prepare yourself for sticker shock. You may be surprised to discover how much a few handkerchief-size pieces of silk can cost you. Real lingerie—the good stuff—can be expensive, but beautiful pieces last for a long time, and the quality and workmanship are part of what make it such a good present. Don't get us wrong: There's definitely a place in her life for the cheap slutty stuff, and the rug burn you'll get from rubbing up against all that cheap lace can be titillating in its own right. But unless you've talked about it before, a polyester French maid's outfit with matching pasties isn't a great gift.

Presentation is everything. You're not going to get the reception you're looking for if you shove the box at her while she's unloading the dishwasher. Instead, tease her by dropping hints about a mystery present, and then wait until she gets into the shower to light some candles in the bedroom; leave the present on the bed.

Alternately, give it to her where she least expects it. Pass a silk thong under the table at a restaurant and ask her to go to the ladies’ room and change into it.

Have Her Strip for You

Striptease and lap dance are the third most common fantasy worldwide, as well as third among American men.

Let her know how much it appeals to you, and maybe she'll give you a show, like Ati from Indonesia: “I don't know what got into me—okay, the better part of a bottle of champagne got into me—but I did this striptease for him on the way out of the bathroom.”

Try a stripper/customer role-play. Put together a men's club– worthy playlist, request a lap dance, and keep your hands to yourself, just as you would in a real club.

After you've bought a bottle in the Champagne Lounge, see if a little extra green won't get you some hands-on attention.


QUICKIE STATS

Percentage of men who fantasize about watching their partner strip and then do a lap dance:

1.

Indonesia

34.3 percent

2.

Poland

31.0 percent

3.

South Africa

29.7 percent

4.

Philippines

28.2 percent

5.

United Kingdom   

26.8 percent

 

Least (Russia)

3.7 percent

 

United States

26.6 percent


Props: ridiculously high stiletto heels, trashy lingerie, lots and lots and lots of dollar bills.

Hit the clubs. If your girl is game, take her to a peep-show and make out as the shutters go up and down. Another option is a straight-up strip club; many welcome couples. Do tip well; it's the cost of the fantasy, and it's only polite.

Turn the tables. Mary Taylor, a former exotic dancer in Toronto and the author of Bedroom Games, runs a company called Peel and Play that teaches women to strip. “Whenever I ask the women in my workshops how they'd feel if their partners took it all off, I get a terrific response.” Her advice? You're both going to feel silly if you take this too seriously, so have fun with it—and definitely don't worry about a less-than-Chippendales body. Take it off slowly and throw clothes into the “audience” with attitude, until there's nothing left but a smile.

Edmond from Montreal took Taylor's advice: “My girlfriend gave me a pack of tiny briefs in my stocking at Christmas; I'm ordinarily a boxer man, and these were a size smaller than I usually wear! I gave her a good show, and left that banana hammock on for as long as I could. . . .”


AN AEROBIC WORKOUT WE CAN GET BEHIND

Crunch gyms in Los Angeles and New York City offer a Cardio Striptease class that incorporates strippers’ moves into a workout.


Dirty Talk

“Is there anything quite so sexy as the sound of your lover's voice, husky with desire, in your ear?” asks Anna from Ukraine. Words are one of the most powerful aphrodisiacs you have in your arsenal, and women are especially vulnerable to their power. While women can be visually stimulated as readily as men are, they can be even more powerfully aroused by fantasizing—and their preferred method is the spoken word.


QUICKIE STATS

Percentage of men who fantasize about lots of dirty talk:

1.

Ukraine

18.36 percent

2.

Russia

17.38 percent

3.

United Kingdom   

9.74 percent

4.

Philippines

9.68 percent

5.

Serbia

9.15 percent

 

Least (China)

0.08 percent

 

United States

9.53 percent


“A woman has a more erotic mind than a man,” says Robert Birch, PhD, of the American College of Sexologists. “Women are more into the theater, the romance, and the drama surrounding sex, rather than just the act.” With that in mind . . .

Ask her to go first. The best way to know what your partner likes is to turn the tables and ask her to talk dirty to you. Pick up clues from what she does: Is there a fantasy she returns to over and over again? Certain words? A tone?

Wait ‘til she's hot. It goes without saying, but extreme sexual arousal is an inhibition-buster. Wait to talk dirty—or to ask her to talk dirty—until you know she's completely in the throes of passion. Or if you want to torture her, do as Andreas, an artist from Bern, Germany, does: “I like to tease my girlfriend by stopping what I am doing when she is very excited and talking dirty to her instead. I tell her what I would be doing to her if I was touching her, and I don't resume until she is begging! This is very fun when she is tied up.”

Use someone else's words. Start by reading erotica or porn out loud to one another. It can prime the pump, so to speak, for later action. This is a great go-to move, even later, when you're more comfortable. You don't have to breathe heavily or sound like you're doing phone sex—desire will naturally change your voice, and that's sexy enough. But do read slowly; even a normal pace can make the raunchiest book sound clinical.

Midori recommends that you try anthologies of erotic short stories—and there are many of them, available both from mainstream bookstores and sex stores. “That way, if one of you isn't into the story, you can just skip ahead to the next one.”

Go back to school. As you're reading, mentally bookmark the phrases that you can imagine saying yourself in the heat of the moment. Rent porn and—maybe for the first time in your life—listen to what the actors are saying (ignore the music, if at all possible).

Bit by bit. Another good way to start is simply by listing body parts. Touch her somewhere, and ask what she likes to call it/them. Slowly, you'll build a collection that you can incorporate when the mood strikes.

Leave a message. Sometimes it's easier to talk dirty if you don't have to look at her. Leave her an XXX-rated voicemail, or call her some night you're apart and talk dirty into her ear over the phone.

Whisper. You're not on stage at the Royal Globe; they don't have to hear you in the cheap seats. Whispering is (a) sexy and (b) less embarrassing, for some reason. Let your lips brush her ear and neck while you're doing it, and she won't even notice when you lose your train of thought.

Leave something to the imagination. It's not an auction, either—you don't have to talk nonstop and include every detail. A pregnant pause, in fact, is sometimes just the space she needs to let her imagination run wild. Does she have to know it's because you lost your nerve?

Be comfortable. As with everything in the bedroom, it helps to feel comfortable in your own skin. Just talk about what really turns you on. You may not have the gift of gab, but if you did think about grabbing her around the waist and taking her while she was getting the cauliflower out of the crisper, tell her. And be specific. Tell her how good her ass looked, and what you thought about doing to her. Or talk about what you're doing, seeing, or feeling—at that very moment.


THE LITERATURE OF LOVE, INTERNATIONAL STYLE

Some international favorites:

Austria: Leopold von Sacher-Masoch's Venus in Furs

France: Anaïs Nin's The Delta of Venus, Colette's Cheri, Marguerite Duras’ The Lover; Pauline Réage's The Story of O, Catherine Millet's The Sexual Life of Catherine M.

Greece: poems by Sappho

Italy: Ovid's The Art of Love

Japan: Junichiro Tanizaki's The Key


“You're beautiful in this light.”

“You're so wet.”

“It feels so good inside you.”

“I'm not going to last if you keep moving like that.”

Flattery works. Pretty much any sentence that starts: “I love it when . . .” as in, “I love it when I can see myself pushing into you,” or “I love it when you bend over and I can grab you” is going to work for her.

Give her a history lesson. Enumerate everything you liked about a five-alarm sexual experience in your recent past. This is also a good way to remind her of something she used to do that's fallen out of regular rotation—where is that hot pink garter belt, anyway?

Keep it simple, stupid. If you're nervous about how you'll sound (or how your partner will take it), try these tried and trues, courtesy of Lynne Stanton, the author of Dirty Talk:

“Do you like that?”

“I want you.”

“Touch me here.”

“I'm so horny.”

“You turn me on.”

“I love it when you do _____.”

Give her orders. This may come as some surprise, but a lot of women like to be told what to do—in bed, anyway. Something as simple as using a commanding voice to tell her to open her legs has been known to get a very big response. And no matter how shy you are, you can tell her to open her legs.

Pretend to be someone else. One of our favorite someone elses, of course, is a lover from an exotic clime. Master a few key phrases, and you won't even have to know what you're saying. If it sounds exotic and erotic, and you say it in a sexy whisper right in the middle of very hot foreplay, who cares if the actual translation of your “dirty talk” is “May I use the pay phone?”

Forget about being politically correct. The dirtier the better—this is the time to dust off words you never thought you'd say out loud. “My husband calls me names I would slap him silly for using outside the bedroom,” says Charlene from Sydney.


VOULEZ-VOUS COUCHEZ AVEC MOI, CE SOIR?

You might pretend to be a lover from an exotic clime—but how do lovers from exotic climes spice up their pillow talk?

Phone play is a big one—maybe not surprising, given how much the Euros love their phones. “I imagine that she's a lonely, horny housewife who has called a gigolo phone sex service, and I have to keep her on the line for as long as possible to run up the charges on her phone bill,” says Liam, an Irish lawyer. “It really forces me to go into lots of detail, and for things to unfold very slowly—which she loves!”

“We both travel for work a lot. She likes to tell me about all the men who looked at her in the hotel bar,” says Bram, a Dutch businessman.

“We use dirty talk to talk about crazy stuff we'd never do—we're very faithful to one another. But when I talk dirty to her, it's all about orgies, swingers clubs, sex parties, hard-core domination—stuff we'd never in a million years try,” says Paolo from Verona, Italy.

“My wife and I pass different versions of a fantasy back and forth. She's a prostitute, I'm her pimp. She has to do what I tell her to do, go with whoever I tell her to go with. Please, you must understand—I am not this kind of person! This was her fantasy from the beginning,” says an embarrassed Fernando from Tulum, Mexico.


One word of warning: Some words are really too loaded to use. It should go without saying, but it's sometimes hard to draw the line when you're in the swing of things, so here are some guidelines. Racial epithets and anything you know has been used against her in violence or hurt should be considered off-limits unless specifically discussed beforehand. Comments about her body, ditto. And, of course, it's probably best to be a little conservative with a new partner—while some women are very comfortable using words like “bitch” themselves, others have a visceral reaction to them that does not, uh, enhance the sexual experience.

Describe role-play. Did she drag you to another costume drama movie where everyone is talking in accents? Fine—then use it as the backdrop for a lurid sexual fantasy, and on the way home, tell her exactly what you were thinking about during the movie.

Make your own movie for her by describing an erotic scene as slowly and in as much detail as you can. Lynne Stanton recommends that you set the stage for your partner as completely as you can, and get her in on it. Describe where you are, what you're wearing, who might see you, what you are dying to do.

Don't be surprised if you turn your partner on so much that she takes it to the next level, by adding details and perhaps even other people into the scene. Soon, through your words, you'll be far from your everyday bedroom and imagining yourselves in an airplane cockpit, a Paris bordello, a ‘60s swingers party, or a covered wagon—whatever it is that gets you hot. Describe it, and come back to it. It'll be your little secret!


NAUGHTY BERLITZ

It can be very effective to pepper garden-variety English dirty talk with sexy foreign words and phrases. “Learn a few key phrases in another language, particularly a romantic one like French, Spanish, or Italian,” says Lynne Stanton, author of Dirty Talk. “Your words will sound terribly exotic, the foreign tongue will take you out of yourself, and everything will likely be less embarrassing for you to say, particularly if you're new to talking dirty. After all, many people find a whispered ‘baisez-moi’ both sexier to hear, and sexier to say, than ‘Do me,’ oui?”

Sexier to say, sexier to hear—that's pretty much our mission. So here's our guide to the nastiest words in a variety of languages.

Tu es si caliente: “You're so hot.” (Spanish)

Hagalo a mi: “Do it to me.” (Spanish)

Dieu, je suis si exite: “God, I am so horny.” (French)

Je veux te baiser: “I want to have sex with you.” (French)

Suce-le: “Suck it.” (French)

duro come una roccia: “hard as a rock” (Italian)

fighetta: a hot woman—literally, “adorable little vagina” (Italian)

una cosine veloce, una sveltina: a quickie (Italian)

Dreh’ dich um: “Turn around.” (German)

Issho-ni neyou?: “Shall we sleep together?” (Japanese)

Semai: “You are tight.” (Japanese)

Kuchi no naka itte ii?: “Can I come in your mouth?” (Japanese)


Tell her what you want. If you want to hear her beg, tell her you want her to beg you for it. If you want her to tell you how incredibly enormous you are, tell her to tell you.

Don't keep it in the bedroom. Dirty talk is a great way to take sex out of the bedroom, so that you're constantly communicating in an erotic way, ensuring that you're both on slow simmer all the time. Public is good: Whisper something filthy to her just as the lights go down at the philharmonic, at your kid's school pageant, at the condo board meeting. But private is good too: over the phone when you're in a hotel room across the world, as you kiss her good-bye when you're leaving early and she's still in bed.

Having Sex Underwater

There's a natural association between water and sex—something about the weightlessness, the sensuality of being surrounded, not to mention all the obvious fluids.

Read all about it. Printed on waterproof paper, Aquaerotica (www.babeland.com) is a collection of literary erotica with a water theme.

Take it to the tub. Bath gel, 5 inches of hot water, silicone lube, and a candle. What more do you need? (Please note, the shower head is not designed to support the weight of an adult human. And remember, lube is slippery—in a good way and also in a “I've fallen and I can't get up” way.)

Rubber ducky, you're the one. Whatever will they think of next? Get your very own rubber ducky vibrating toy at www.babeland.com. Give this classic yellow duck a squeeze, and he'll make bathtime lots of fun indeed.


QUICKIE STATS

Percentage of men who fantasize about having sex underwater:

1.

Serbia

21.9 percent

2.

Romania

16.3 percent

3.

Germany

15.1 percent

4.

Spain

14.8 percent

5.

Mexico

14.3 percent

 

Least (Ukraine)   

2.7 percent

 

United States

3.1 percent


Naked scuba. This is the final frontier—complete immersion. Joining the “Mile-Below” club requires careful planning, given the equipment you'll need and the whole lack-of-air situation. You'll probably want something to hold on to so you can actually do it and not just float around. Most important, make sure to follow all safety procedures, just as you would for a regular dive. (You're going to want some extra hand signals, so she can tell the difference between the throes of passion and the throes of drowning.)


GET WET, STAY WET

What you're looking for in a lube—and trust us, you're looking for a lube, because water is a terrible lubricant—is 100 percent silicone. It won't wash away.


Sex with a Forbidden Lover

“Forbidden fruit is the sweetest, isn't it?” muses Teodora from Russia. Even if that succulent morsel is the nanny. Or your wife's sister. Or her best friend. Or your best friend's wife. Or your boss. Or your boss's daughter. Or maybe especially your boss's daughter.


QUICKIE STATS

Percentage of men who fantasize about a forbidden lover:

1.

Russia

25.45 percent

2.

Italy

25.05 percent

3.

Singapore

25.00 percent

4.

A tie between Portugal and South Africa 

23.57 percent

 

Least (Indonesia)

7.09 percent

 

United States

19.37 percent


If you're tired of the same old, same old, go ahead and cheat—just do it with your wife. Role-play! (See Chapter 8 for some saucy ideas, and everything you need to implement them.) “Sexual play allows us to act out some of our most secret sexual fantasies without having to be too committed or serious about them,” says British expert Graham Masterton, former editor of Penthouse and Penthouse Forum and author of the Secrets of Sexual Play.

Lots of couples turn to role-playing in order to spice up a relationship. It can be a way to explore—or reverse—power dynamics without anyone feeling overly vulnerable and upset. It can be a way to get what you never had: You never got off the junior varsity bench, and she was president of the chess club—but who's to say that you're not the captain of the football team trying to get up underneath that hot cheerleader's letter sweater? It's a way to taste some of those forbidden delights—macking a stranger at a bar, or hitting on your hot dental hygienist—that you've promised to forgo.

A Threesome

This was the top sexual fantasy for nearly half of Men's Health readers.

“Two women together is my ultimate fantasy.”—Eric, a librarian in Indonesia

“I've always loved watching two girls together. I know that my wife messed around with girls at uni; this would give me a chance to get in on some of that action.”—William, a journalist in London

“It's like I'm a sheik in my harem—all those hands and breasts and tongues—and all for me!”—Ian in Bali

“You know you're good in bed when you can wear out two women!”—Carlos in Venezuela

As should be clear from these quotes, the thought of a threesome does a lot of different things for a lot of different guys. Some men are attracted to the idea of so much stimulation—there's more stuff to watch, more stuff to touch and to do than in sex with just a single partner.

Some love the idea of watching two women together, or the idea of being the center of all that female attention. “If you're a slight voyeur, this is an opportunity to watch your partner having sex. If you're an exhibitionist, it's an opportunity to show off,” says Dee McDonald of the Centre for Sexual Wellbeing.


QUICKIE STATS

Percentage of men who were most likely to fantasize about having a threesome:

1.

Portugal

59.7 percent

2.

Netherlands

53.3 percent

3.

Australia

52.3 percent

4.

Spain

47.9 percent

5.

Germany

45.4 percent

 

Least (Ukraine)   

1.9 percent

 

United States

49.1 percent


For many people, the frisson lies simply in the knowledge that they've broken one of the big taboos: sex outside of a pair. “We grow up thinking two is normal, and anything that isn't two isn't normal,” says McDonald.

“Men like to be ‘sexually incorrect’ in bed! This is part of their masculinity,” says Mariagrazia Marini, PhD, a clinical psychologist in Lisbon.

Note: We're assuming, as most men will, that the threesome configuration is two girls and a guy. And a study in Psychological Science confirms that women are more game for a same-sex experience than most men are: Straight women with high sex drives are 27 times more likely to be attracted to both sexes than are straight men with high sex drives, according to a survey of more than 3,500 people.

“A lot of women have had sexual fantasies about other women, or have experimented,” says Ascha Vissel, a Dutch psychologist and sex therapist. “But you have to be patient, helping them feel comfortable with the idea.”

“Women tend to come in more shades of gray, while men are more polarized—more either/or—in their sexual orientation,” says Richard Lippa, PhD, a psychologist at California State University at Fullerton. But, he warns, just because she finds women attractive doesn't mean she wants a threesome. In fact, some women fantasize about having sex with a woman because they imagine it will be slow, tender, touching, teasing, instead of oil-drilling guy-style.


QUICKIE STATS

Percentage of men who have had a threesome:

1.

Brazil

19.00 percent

2.

United Kingdom   

17.55 percent

3.

Australia

17.52 percent

4.

United States

17.00 percent

5.

Russia

14.89 percent

 

World average

14.23 percent

“Women in Brazil are open-minded and feel that a threesome is just another item on the list of sexual fantasies and experiences that they want to try,” says Laura Muller, a sex advisor in Brazil. “A man in Brazil will ask for a threesome as a ‘present’ from his partner, either for his birthday or for an anniversary.” And our statistics suggest that he gets it!


That's not to say that the other configuration doesn't have much to recommend it. It can be great for a guy who likes the idea of seeing his partner with another man, or for a guy who's bi-curious. It's also a very nice, open-minded present for the woman who has everything but has always wondered if she's up for two guys at once.

Of course, just because this is something you really—really, really—like to think about doesn't necessarily mean you actually want that dream to come true. Let's face it: You may not want to watch your partner have sex with someone else. You yourself may not want to have sex with someone else. But there are lots of ways to incorporate this fantasy into sex à deux without putting yourself—and others—into a situation that makes you uncomfortable.

Pretend. Heat things up by pretending someone else is in the room and asking what she'd like that person to do to her, says Ava Cadell, PhD, a Hungarian-born, British-raised expert who has traveled and taught widely throughout the world.

“We talk dirty a lot, and it's often about someone else—a woman or a man—watching us and masturbating while we put on a show for them,” says Adam from Poland.

Watch it. Mainstream movies featuring threesomes aren't all that hard to come by, and they're a good place to start. Wild Things, for instance, portrays a hot threesome with Denise Richards and Neve Campbell. Henry and June has that period-piece flavor she likes. And once you move to the XXX aisle, your options are virtually limitless.

“We talk dirty a lot, and it's often about someone else watching us put on a show for them.”

Outsource it. “I loved the idea of my wife being dominated by another woman, but we agreed that it would be too weird if I was actually there with another woman. So on our way home from a charity benefit, we answered an ad for a professional dominatrix,” says Bram in Holland. “The woman was great—she really got into the role-play. My wife told me about everything that happened in that dungeon—she even had a few light bruises to show me! And the sex between us was never better than afterward.”

Invite some, uh, thing else. “Lifelike dolls like RealDoll can be employed by couples to live out threesome fantasies without involving a third person and all the subsequent emotions that might involve,” says British expert Sarah Hedley. As she points out, it's a crying shame the playthings cost so much.

What if you really do want to try a real-life ménage à trois? “A three-some can be a whole new sexual experience, but only if all participants really want to share this experience,” says Dr. Marini. “If one party is doing it just to please their partner, they could damage the psychological harmony and intimacy in the relationship.”

“Of course it's tricky,” says British expert Phillip Hodson, author of How Perfect Is Your Mate? “There's really no avoiding the message it sends, which is: You are not the be-all and end-all for me.”

First, Hodson says, it's essential to establish the likelihood of her having any interest in the subject at all. “You have to ask yourself: Is this a starter? Because if you know it isn't, and you introduce it, you're really just sabotaging the relationship.” He advises you to rack your brain for clues as to her interest. Does she often comment on how attractive other women are? Has she mentioned having “crushes” on other women? Was there perhaps a dalliance with a friend when she was at college?

And then you have to pick a good time to ask it. Is the right time to ask while you're planning the family budget, or after a terrible time stuck in traffic in the tunnel? Or perhaps after the most exciting sexual experience of the month? “Check,” says Hodson. He suggests language like, “That was just fantastic—can I have my brain back. Do you know what flashed into my head right after I'd come? This tall, dark woman who was kissing both of us.” If she gets excited again, you know you're on the right track.

So that's really the first rule—everybody has to be enthusiastically on board. If not, abort mission. No ifs, ands, or buts.

Next, before a stitch of clothing is shed, take the following precautions:

Lay the ground rules. Negotiate exactly what behaviors you and your partner are comfortable with beforehand. “Soft swinging” means kissing and touching—and sometimes oral sex—with a third person (or multiple others). Is she okay if you kiss the other person? Give her oral sex? If the third gives you oral sex? Will there be penetration?

“I love watching the sex, but I do struggle with jealousy when there's too much of what I think of as intimacy: cuddling or kissing,” says Antonia, a travel writer in Britain. “So when we get together with someone, he does that with me instead.”

In addition, it helps to know exactly what she's fantasizing about. We talk about “a threesome” like it's a single, unilateral fantasy, but actually there's a practically infinite number of permutations and combinations. Does she want to watch you have sex with someone else—or does she want you to watch her? Is she looking forward to getting her hands on another woman, or is that part of it less important to her? “Talk, talk, talk,” says Dee McDonald. “There must be absolute honesty around absolutely everything to do with this situation.”

You may get into a situation where it's more difficult to communicate with each other verbally (if you're at a club or party with loud music, for instance). Come up with a “safe gesture”—as opposed to a “safe word”—just in case you or your partner wants to cut and run.

Assemble the ingredients. “Most threesomes in Brazil happen by chance at a party or club,” says Laura Muller, a sex advisor in Brazil and author of 500 Questions on Sex. “If a woman is having so much fun that she feels like she'd do anything, then she just might.” Look for all-bets-are-off occasions: vacations, spring breaks, and wild parties. “The more a woman feels like she's stepped outside of her normal life, like she's having a once-in-a-lifetime experience, the easier it will be for her to leave behind her normal boundaries,” says Muller.

“Most threesomes in Brazil happen by chance at a party or club.”

Find someone you and your partner can trust, but not someone either of you knows well or is likely to run into at church. Younger women are more likely to be up for it. Researchers at the Australian National University found that women ages 20 to 24 were 1.5 times more likely to be open to same-sex experiences than women ages 40 to 44.

Let her make the move. If you have a willing partner already, let her approach other women—she's less likely to come off as aggressive. Courting a pair of friends? Steer the conversation toward fantasies.

The Main Event

“When men actually live out this fantasy,” says Lou Paget, a certified sex educator in Los Angeles and the author of 365 Days of Sensational Sex, “it's often nothing like they expected.” Toronto Sun columnist Gibson adds that in her experience, men often discover that “it's a rather demanding ménage and somewhat difficult for them to fulfill everyone's expectations. As some wise person once said wryly, if men were supposed to have group sex, they would have been created with extra personal equipment.” Here are some things to watch out for.

Follow the rules of the house. Specific clubs and parties will have their own rules, which must be rigidly adhered to or you'll get kicked out and blackballed. There are a couple of general rules to keep in mind, however. The first is that no means no. That's absolute and final. If you're saying no to someone else's advances, try to do it courteously and with a smile. But feel free to say it—and know that you don't have to offer any justification or reason. The reverse, of course, is also true: If you approach someone who would prefer not to, accept their decision graciously.

Another basic rule is that you can't just jump into the action; there's generally no touching without permission. Know that alcohol is prohibited at most events, and people under the influence are not welcome. Safe sex is a given.

Preempt jealousy. If you've ever watched three children playing, you know that three is a tricky number: It pretty much guarantees that someone will feel left out. “Sometimes men think that two women will mean lots of attention for him, and then when they get into the room, the two women are paying lots of attention to one another and he finds that he's sitting by himself,” says Dee McDonald.

Take your time—as with all sex, it will be better if the parties involved are relaxed and feel some kind of bond with one another. “I like the rhythm of a threesome. You can always take a break and watch the other two. Relax and don't worry when the spotlight of attention is off you; it'll swing back again!” says Ian in Bali.

“Make sure you indicate throughout the activity where your sexual and emotional loyalties lie: with the most important person in the group for you—namely your partner, rather than the third participant,” says Gibson. This is something Jörg, a Swiss financial analyst, has learned over time: “It's my general policy to pay the lion's share of attention to my wife. I like to have sex with her first, and make sure she has the first orgasm. I let her direct the action, like a conductor—sometimes she wants me to spend a lot of time with the other person; other times she feels happier if I'm more attentive to her.”

Keep one foot on the brake. “You have to be prepared to stop—at any time,” says McDonald. You've just hit the best part, and she blows the whistle? Find your pants, partner. It's game over when she pulls the plug. Or you do. And you can, for any reason. There's a material difference between fantasizing about seeing your wife with someone else and actually seeing someone else touch her. You may not be good with it. And that's okay.

It's not over yet. “Afterwards, keep the conversation about the event light and easy in case anyone's struggling with their feelings,” advises Gibson. Be prepared for your partner's reaction, which could range from sheer disgust to “girls rule.” And indicate to her that you're willing to talk about whatever she wants to talk about.

“The day after we had our threesome, we spent the whole day together, just a sickeningly normal day. We had brunch at our favorite spot, went to a movie, and then home for dinner together. We didn't talk about it that much, but the fact that he really seemed to enjoy going back to our real life reassured me,” says Marina, a Czech writer.

The biggest rule of all, according to Gibson? “Never, ever try to see the other woman on her own, outside of the threesome, if you're married or attached. Not only is it unpleasantly sneaky, but it will inevitably be destructive.”

Have fun! The position where you're lying on your back, and one woman is sitting on your face while the other straddles you is called The Feast of Ponies. Enjoy!

Spanking

Don't call it pain. Sex educator Midori calls these “sensations that are more intense than what you might be used to. Pain is knee surgery. This isn't pain.”

What's the attraction? Endorphins, the natural drugs produced by the body in response to these sensations. Endorphins are chemically similar to some other time-honored crowd-pleasers—like heroin, for instance.

Experienced sadists and masochists look to take someone to the very edge of their physical boundaries, a subject for another book—Midori's Wild Side Sex, for instance. But the endorphin rush you get from even just a quick slap on the bottom can be very invigorating, not to mention erotic.


QUICKIE STATS

Percentage of men who fantasize about spanking:

1.

Indonesia

10.7 percent

2.

Netherlands

10.3 percent

3.

Greece

8.6 percent

4.

Ukraine

7.4 percent

5.

Serbia

5.4 percent

 

Least (Croatia)   

Zero percent

 

United States

2.4 percent


Start with a tickle and a light tap. If she laughs, laugh along with her. Consider a moan permission to continue. “How hard one should spank depends on the person,” says Emma Taylor, coauthor of Nerve's Guide to Sex Etiquette and one half of the New York magazine sex-advice duo Em and Lo. “Always err on the side of reserve, and gradually build up to rudeness.”

Use both hands. The hand that's tapping her shouldn't be the only physical contact you have with her. If she's bent over, sandwich one of her legs between yours so that she can feel how happy you are. And aim is important: You're not hitting the tops of her buttocks, but rather what's known as the sweet spot—the lowermost inside quadrant. Think of your target as the area that would be covered by a not-very-substantial bikini bottom—and don't go outside the lines.

Suffer the vibrations. “Men can feel the aftershock of the smack in their G-spot (prostate),” says British expert Sarah Hedley, “and women can feel it in the forked legs of the clitoris, which extend down around the walls of the vagina towards the bottom.” Spanking brings the blood to the surface, making the skin more sensitive. Hedley suggests following firm spanking with light fingernail strokes, for a truly erotic finale.

Do as the doms do. We turned to an expert—Fetish Goddess Eva, a Greek dominatrix—for further thoughts on erotic spanking. Enjoy. Or not—she'd probably prefer it that way. Here's what she says:

“Erotic spanking is a secret pleasure, easily played by people who don't have a deep understanding of the BDSM ways. It is also a very good introduction to this lifestyle.

“A spanking should be done over the knee, or with a cushion or other support underneath. The feeling of ‘surrender’ or ‘submission’ is important; many people need to give up control to feel sexual. You must create a safe environment, and gain your sub's trust first. Don't hesitate to warn her in advance what is coming; the anticipation of this ‘punishment’ will add to the sexual excitement. Tell her that if she does not obey your wishes, her punishment will be even harsher.


WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?

According to a Men's Health poll of 2,000 Cosmopolitan readers:

89 percent of women who have never had kinky sex think it could improve their sex lives.

93 percent of women who tried kinky sex say it did.


“The best way to spank is with your palm, slightly cupped, fingers held close together. It makes a good sound and makes the skin red without causing a lot of pain. Use a firm but sensual stroke to spread the heat over her bottom. Don't hit the same spot twice. Alternate between spanking and using your fingers to caress and explore her body; this will help her to associate the spanking with pleasure and arousal. Take your time.

“You can also employ spanking during intercourse. Light spanking during intercourse can establish tempo, just as a rider creates a tempo for his horse, and it will certainly increase everyone's arousal. During intercourse, have your lover on top; wrap both your arms around her as you spank. Increase both your tempo and force while she is climaxing.”

So there you have it. Remember, Eva expects to be obeyed.

Sex with a Stranger

This was a pretty prevalent fantasy. It's also the one that's most likely to come true. When we asked who men cheated with, a stranger came first on the list (13.02 percent).

What is it about a mysterious stranger? “The lack of baggage,” says Vanessa from Seoul. “And the fact that you can do anything, be anything, say anything, ask for anything you want.”

There is certainly something compelling about a pull so strong it transcends social convention. So much for dinner and dancing and first date chit-chat. Sex with a stranger is raw, unvarnished sexual attraction, a chemistry that's bigger than both of you and crosses all barriers.

Whew!

What if you're married? Here's where role-play comes in again. Pretend you've never seen her before. Now try to get her into bed.

It's true that if you're not really given to theatrics, this can be kind of embarrassing. “It's okay if you both fall on the floor laughing,” says Sue Johanson, Canada's foremost sexual educator and counselor and the host of the TV show Talk Sex with Sue Johanson. “If you can't laugh about sex, you shouldn't be having it.”

Even if you're only halfway on board, the results can be quite titillating: “My girlfriend and I had talked about pretending to pick up one another as strangers, but we never really got around to planning anything. Then, a little late to meet her at our pub one night, I took the seat next to her, asked her name, and offered to buy her a drink as if I was just trying to chat her up,” says Will, a teacher in Bristol, England. “She couldn't stop laughing and taking the piss, but even with her making jokes, we had the best sex of our lives that night.”


TIE HER UP, TIE HER DOWN

When Men's Health polled more than 2,000 Cosmopolitan readers, we learned that more than 90 percent of women are willing to deviate from the norm—they're either “game to try” something kinky (70 percent) or downright “excited” at the prospect (21.5 percent), if only we'd ask. What did they consider kink? The women in our poll rated bondage as the form of nontraditional sex that most excites them—two out of three were interested!

Amanda, a 27-year-old advertising saleswoman here in the United States, is typical: “I'm a pretty confident, successful career woman. The feeling of being helpless and dominated was really novel and a massive turn-on.”

Because bondage takes all control away from the person who is tied up, it can exquisitely heighten the anticipation of pleasure. “There is a sense of being erotically overwhelmed that comes along with being restrained, and many women find it quite passionate,” says San Francisco–based sexologist Carol Queen, PhD. “Women are encouraged to understand themselves as objects of desire, and through bondage and restraint, there's an acting out of that.”

“My boyfriend has very cleverly figured out that when I'm tied up, I can be ‘forced’ to do things that I'm embarrassed to do—that I'd never do otherwise,” says Tatiana, a 36-year-old professor from Rio.

The more she's immobilized, the more power you have, so use the force for good.

Exercise restraints. Pinning her arms above her head is time-honored and can be done with one hand, leaving the other free to remind her what's so good about staying put. Another soft-core option is to wrap her up gently in the sheet so that she can't move her arms. Leave lots uncovered—her head, shoulders, lower legs, etc., and kiss every inch of available skin. Or head to the kitchen for a roll of plastic wrap. Or arrange her on the bed the way you want her, and “forbid” her to move unless she's told to—with threats that you won't finish what you've started if she breaks the rules.

The next step might be to tie her wrists so loosely with something soft—a silk tie, a cashmere scarf—that she could easily escape if she wanted to. You get all the visual stimuli of her in chains, while she knows that there's an escape route if she wants one. “Keep it comfortable,” says Japanese-German sex educator Midori. “If it's too tight, loosen it; if it's too loose and you can't get in the mood, tighten it up a little.”

Up the ante. To intensify her feeling of powerlessness, tie her feet as well—spread-eagled, if you want access. And for an added frisson, add a blindfold. Keep a hand on her at all times or speak softly so that she knows where you are in the room. When you're comfortable with playing like this, surprises can become a very pleasurable part of the game!

Keep her comfy. You should always be able to slip at least two fingers between the restraint and her skin; otherwise, you're cutting off her blood-flow. Midori warns against going all Boy Scout. “I can't tell you how many times I've heard a story about a guy trying to replicate something elaborate from a nautical knot book while his girlfriend sits bored on the bed.” There should be no knots underneath her, or anywhere she's bearing a significant amount of weight.

Even if she's very loosely tied, the clock is ticking—it can be very uncomfortable to stay in one position for a long time. Changing it up doesn't mean the party has to stop; if her arms were tied above her head, put them behind her back, or in front of her.

If a part of her body swells or turns a different color, untie her immediately. (You may know that there's a problem before she does—numbness can set in). Never tie a knot that you can't get her out of in a hurry (most serious players use slip knots, particularly around really sensitive areas, and usually have a pair of scissors close at hand as well, in case of an emergency).

Fill a toy box. Your best option is premade bondage equipment, which is available in a variety of materials (and price levels). Midori recommends wrist restraints (often called “cuffs”) made of leather or nylon and lined with some kind of soft fabric. Metal handcuffs are no fun on delicate wrists. And no, that yellow nylon rope you use to tie things to the top of your car is no good. The bungee cords aren't bad, though. . . . One of the best online retailers for a wide variety of BDSM toys and supplies is JT's Stockroom Catalog: www.stockroom.com.

Just be warned: “This type of stuff should be recreational,” says Mark Elliott, PhD, director of the Institute for Psychological and Sexual Health in Columbus, Ohio. “If it starts to get to the point where you can't have sex unless you break out the handcuffs, women can start to feel objectified.”



QUICKIE STATS

Percentage of men who fantasize about sex with a stranger:

1.

Korea

16.16 percent

2.

Singapore

15.43 percent

3.

Poland

15.41 percent

4.

Czech Republic   

15.21 percent

5.

Russia

14.75 percent

 

Least (Mexico)

5.00 percent

 

United States

11.52 percent


If you're single: People go home with strangers all the time—we have the stats to prove it. (Your best bets are Portuguese and Brazilians, in case you were wondering.) Flip back to Chapter 1 for tips on how to make it happen.

Sex with an Older Woman

It's no secret that men experience their sexual peak in their teens, while women come into their own much later. Graophilia is gaining in popularity—probably because plastic surgery and well, okay, more plastic surgery has enabled this generation of porn stars to stay in the game much longer than their predecessors. The wave of hot over-40 celebrities—Michelle, Julianne, Kim, and Demi, to name just a few—hasn't hurt either.

Many men's first crush—and sometimes first sexual experience—took place with a Mrs. Robinson type, so the association is strong. “My first was an older woman—she was my brother's teacher, actually,” confesses Luis, an accountant in Mexico. “I can still smell her perfume if I try.”

“The attractions of an older woman—a cougar—are very obvious,” says Toronto Sun columnist Valerie Gibson, author of Cougar: A Guide for Older Women Dating Younger Men. “In many cases, she's already had marriage, children, a mortgage. She's looking now for a little fun. And she brings a tremendous amount of independence to the relationship—she owns her own home, her own car, her own business; she takes her own trips. So you're getting someone very vital, very alive, someone who's very interested in sex and very experienced sexually, without a lot of the ‘relationship’ requirements that you might have with someone younger.”


QUICKIE STATS

Percentage of men who fantasize about sex with a woman twice their age:

1.

Mexico

10.8 percent

2.

Italy

10.5 percent

3.

Greece

10.4 percent

4.

Croatia

10.2 percent

5.

Serbia

9.7 percent

 

Least (Indonesia)   

1.8 percent

 

United States

5.1 percent


Older women know what they like and will tell you. And at menopause, “levels of estrogen recede, unmasking the power of testosterone,” says Helen Fisher, PhD, research professor in the anthropology department at Rutgers University in New Jersey and author of Why We Love. “This allows women to be more assertive and demanding, and many of them become more interested in sex.”

Sure, Ms. Pfeiffer, we'd love to see your golden globes!

Polish your apple for the teacher. Watch The Graduate, then ask her if she'd be interested in role-playing a scenario where she “spoils” a tender young thing like yourself. A study at the University of Michigan found that female rats receive a boost of dopamine (a euphoria-inducing neurotransmitter) only when they control sex.

Don't be surprised if this act is well received by your partner—lots of women have a fantasy about being the more experienced partner, the one who takes control. Turn yourself over—she knows what to do with you. Don't forget your Superman Underoos and a comic book; she'll pack you a snack for the ride home.

Go cougar hunting. There are lots of places to meet unattached older women—cultural events such as plays, the ballet, and the opera are some of them. You can also check out one of the many online dating sites devoted to hooking younger guys up with women of a certain age, like www.urbancougar.com.

Sex with a Younger Woman

Men, it turns out, are interested in younger women. What would you do without Men's Health bringing you the latest in health research?


QUICKIE STATS

Percentage of men who fantasize about sex with a woman half their age:

1.

Croatia

16.3 percent

2.

Philippines

12.3 percent

3.

Czech Republic   

11.7 percent

4.

Malaysia

11.6 percent

5.

Italy

11.1 percent

 

Least (China)

3.4 percent

 

United States

13.5 percent


This is probably evolutionary at its heart: We're looking for the young and healthy partners who are most likely to bear the fruit of our loins. That's the excuse you can give yourself, anyway.

Get out the tweed jacket and spectacles. Your lady friend can play this one of two ways: the wise-beyond-her-years Lolita who's scheming to lead you into sin, or the innocent, trembling young thing that you can't wait to despoil. Either way, you'll both enjoy detention. Other suggested props: ruler, tiny plaid skirt. Don't stand so close to me, indeed.

As long as she's at least the age of consent: Don Steele, author of How to Date Young Women for Men Over 35, tells us there are three keys to keeping younger women interested in you:

1. Have a quick first date. Suggest having lunch sometime. Lunch implies you're busy, which makes you look more youthful and interesting.

2. Limit your conversations. Don't bring up topics that show your age: children, ex-wives, or the wars you've fought in.

3. Don't bring her to your home for the first five dates. You don't want her to see anything that reminds her of your age—like photos of your kids or your Best of Bread album.


MAYBE WE'RE ON TO SOMETHING AFTER ALL

A 1994 study of 134,000 couples found that the greater the age gap between older husbands and younger wives, the lower the chance they'd split up.


Sex and Videotape (Lies Optional)

“She's so beautiful and sexy—I love to watch them over and over!” says Angelo, an Italian restaurant supplier, of the sex tapes he made with his wife.

“To see what we look like in the heat of passion fulfills our deepest curiosity about something primal in our lives,” says veteran adult-film star Candida Royalle. You can try her line. No guarantee it'll work. Here's what will.


QUICKIE STATS

Percentage of men who fantasize about being videotaped:

1.

Italy

16.0 percent

2.

Ukraine

14.4 percent

3.

Indonesia

13.1 percent

4.

Malaysia

12.2 percent

5.

Slovenia

11.6 percent

 

Least (Croatia)   

4.0 percent

 

United States

7.1 percent


Start with some cheesecake poses, featuring her goofing around. Let her wear some clothes, or use a sheet to cover herself. In other words, let her decide when to show a little more.

“I can't handle real pictures, but we compromise,” says Maria in Italy. “He has an old single-lens-reflex camera, and we play ‘photo shoot’ but with no film. I'm a lingerie model, he's the lecherous photographer.” Polaroids are another low-tech way to scratch your itch without freaking her out.

Let her go shopping first. One guy told us the key to convincing his girlfriend to make a sex tape was “giving her control over the wardrobe. I handed her my AmEx card and told her to buy an outfit that made her feel sexy and comfortable, starting with the lingerie.” That's an inspired move, and she gets to keep the clothes.

Offer to tape without hitting the “record” button. The camera's mere presence can be exciting. Flip the camera's LCD screen around for an occasional glimpse, or plug it into the TV so you're onscreen. That way you're on display but not being captured for posterity. The thrill of this audition could lead to recording later. “Once she sees herself onscreen, she might get over the fears,” says Maggie Berman, cowriter of How to Have a XXX Sex Life.

Make a self-portrait. This could make a very sexy present for an open-minded partner. “My girlfriend didn't want us to tape ourselves. So I made a video on my cell phone of myself jerking off—something I know she really likes—and sent it to her when she was having drinks with friends,” says Paolo from Italy. “She came home in a hurry.”

Is this the Wiggles DVD? Whenever you commit something to tape, there's always the threat (some would say thrill) of exposure. And the recent rash of stolen celebrity sex tapes hasn't helped women's paranoia about “oops porn.” (By the way, arguing that those were all publicity stunts—and that she's no Paris Hilton anyway—is unlikely to get you any closer to living out this fantasy.)

If you want to make this happen, you have to promise that whatever you produce will be a secret you'll carry to your grave, at which point your blind best friend will destroy it so that it is lost for all eternity. Or you can hand over the results to her as soon as you're done—or destroy it together.

Midori reminds you—unnecessarily, we hope—that photos taken in the bedroom should never, ever, ever, ever, EVER go on the Internet. You can't ever be sure that her boss or her father—or your father—doesn't frequent the same amateur porn site you're so fond of.

Work it. If you're a fan of amateur porn, you know that without benefit of great lighting and silicone, even a good-looking girl can look less-than-great onscreen. And women, as you've probably gathered by now, are often sensitive about things like that.

So turn down the dimmer, and put candles or a lamp on the floor to light your shoot—it's the most flattering. “Never use overhead lighting,” says Candida Royalle. “It creates shadows, and besides, overhead lights are just plain ugly.”

You'll be guaranteed a sequel if you take pictures she likes; if you know she's proud of her breasts and her smile, position the camera to show them in their best light.

Sex in Front of a Mirror

“Wall lights should gleam around the wall, reflected by a hundred mirrors, whilst both man and woman should contend against any reserve, or false shame, giving themselves up in complete nakedness to unrestrained voluptuousness,” says the 1,000-year-old Ananga Ranga sex manual. Who are we to argue?

“Best birthday present ever: We've had a great dinner, we're having hot birthday sex, and when I'm about ready to come, my girlfriend rolls over and gets on top. I look up to see a mirror on her bedroom ceiling with ‘Happy Birthday’ written in lipstick. That was it!” says Ian, an Englishman living in Bali. Sex in a mirror is a very low-key, low-tech way to add a titillating dash of voyeurism and exhibitionism.


QUICKIE STATS

Percentage of men who fantasize about sex in a room full of mirrors:

1.

Indonesia

18.9 percent

2.

Hungary

17.7 percent

3.

Serbia

17.0 percent

4.

Malaysia

14.5 percent

5.

Italy

14.4 percent

 

Least (Brazil)   

5.1 percent

 

United States

6.7 percent


Start with a sneak peek. The next time you're near a mirror, pull her close and let her have the full view as you kiss her neck and caress her body, suggests Sonia Parreira Duque, a clinical psychologist in Lisbon, Portugal.

Be attracted to shiny objects. “I like to keep all the lights on and watch us in the big picture window going out to the field when it's pitch black outside,” says Paolo in Italy. “There's nobody for miles, but I like to think that someone could be watching.”

Move some furniture. There's probably a framed mirror somewhere in your house; surely it can migrate closer to the bed. “The first night we moved into our house, we leaned our full-length mirror on the dresser by the bed, and I noticed my husband checking it out when we were making love,” says Katalin in Hungary. “I could tell it made him really hot, and—what do you know—even once the boxes got unpacked, that mirror never got hung on the back of the bedroom door. I eventually gave up and bought another one so I could finally see what I looked like before leaving the house.”

Certainly, there are inexpensive mirrors designed to hang on the back of the door that can easily be propped up against the back wall of your closet when not “in use.”

Sex in Public

“The weather's perfect for it,” says Steve, an Australian money manager, about his countrymen's proclivity toward doing it outside.

But that doesn't explain why the oft-rained-out British have also raised exhibitionism to an art form. Crowds gather to watch couples (often hooked up through the Internet) having sex in cars. Famous athletes have confessed to doing it, songs have been written about it, and the government is taking the accompanying public health problem so seriously that many superstore parking lots and parks now sport safe-sex messages. Bring your brolly.


QUICKIE STATS

Percentage of men who fantasize about sex in public:

1.

Australia

13.2 percent

2.

United Kingdom

11.8 percent

3.

Singapore

11.7 percent

4.

United States

11.4 percent

5.

Korea

10.1 percent

 

Least (Indonesia)   

3.1 percent


Dress for the occasion. Go commando when you leave the house, with her in a skirt or dress. Throughout the evening, give each other a few quick, private shows. Use any opportunity—helping her with a pool shot, pressing up against each other as a concert lets out—to get all up in her business for a moment.

Be covert. For a little bit more of a rush, try having sex somewhere you can see but not be seen—up against a window, for instance. Or, like Mary, an Australian nurse, somewhere so low-traffic that there's no chance you'll ever be discovered. “We have sex in the service stairwell of our building. It's never used—there's actually dust on the stairs—so there's no chance of discovery, but it still feels thrilling.”

Turn back to Chapter 12 for much advice on sex with the potential for spectators.

Sex with a Starlet

“I don't so much have the hots for Angelina Jolie—okay, that's not true, I totally have the hots for Angelina Jolie. But I really want her as Lara Croft from that Tomb Raider movie,” says Fernando from Tulum, Mexico. “And at the end of the day, my wife as Lara Croft isn't half bad.”


QUICKIE STATS

Percentage of men who fantasize about sex with a celebrity:

1.

Philippines

46.5 percent

2.

Singapore

37.7 percent

3.

Korea

36.6 percent

4.

Malaysia

36.1 percent

5.

Mexico

35.0 percent

 

Least (a tie among Russia, Ukraine, Czech Republic)

zero percent

 

United States

31.9 percent


“We have a joking list of people we'd be allowed to have sex with if somehow, miraculously, they showed up offering it,” says Agulto, a Filipino who lives in the UK. “I don't want to have sex with Becks [soccer star David Beckham], but I'm not 100 percent sure I'd mind watching him do my wife. . . .”

You don't need our help with this one: That's what US Weekly is for.


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