Impress Her with Your Native Tongue
Thirty-five percent of the men in the world rate themselves as above average lovers—and 6 percent consider themselves sexual Supermen. The guys with the biggest, um, egos are Ecuadoreans: 63 percent of them place themselves in one of those two categories.
We asked women around the world what men should base their sexual confidence on, and the answer was pretty much unanimous. The thing that's most likely to make you a superhero in the sack to her is mastering the fine art of making love with your tongue. For lots of women, this is the most direct route to ecstasy, and it might be what's behind all the Ecuadorian swagger. “In Ecuador, men know how to take their time,” says Dora, a lawyer from Guayaquil. “They don't stop until it's a job well done.”
According to Australian-British expert Tracey Cox, when researchers asked a group of college kids which they'd pick if forced to choose between intercourse and oral sex, “both sexes gave penetration the ‘heave-ho.’”
There seems to be a consensus amongst Cox's colleagues: “Making love with one's penis is like trying to write calligraphy with a thick Magic Marker,” says Ian Kerner, PhD, a sex therapist and the author of She Comes First. “The tongue is mightier than the sword.”
“Making love with one's penis is like trying to write calligraphy with a thick Magic Marker.”
It's certainly your ticket to being considered a great lover. “For many women, oral sex is more intimate than penetration,” says Patti Britton, PhD, a sex therapist and the author of The Art of Sex Coaching. It can be a very tender, intimate way to tell someone you love her—or just part of a total package of toe-curling “best orgasm of her life” sex.
The importance of paying lip service is not a new development restricted to modern, postfeminist societies. According to Don Voorhees, the author of Quickies: Fascinating Facts about the Facts of Life, a Chinese empress named Wu Hu who reigned during the T'ang Dynasty (700–900 C.E.) compelled all visiting male dignitaries and government officials to kneel before her and lick her clitoris in homage. It's good to be queen!
Best Table in the House
Our bodies fit together so nicely for sex. They do for oral sex too—it just requires a little more maneuvering.
The classic: The classic position for oral sex is where she lies flat on her back, legs apart, with you between her legs. The popularity of this position is sort of mysterious—although you do have lots of access to pretty much everything, it's very uncomfortable to sustain for a long period of time. To make it more comfy, ask her to lie at the edge of the bed or sit in a chair, so that you can kneel in front of her, thereby keeping your spine straight, just like the chiropractor told you to, says Japanese-German sex educator Midori, author of Wild Side Sex. Midori also suggests propping your friend's bottom up with some pillows so that her clitoris is nicely presented. She can lean back—and when things get interesting, she can either hold the backs of her thighs and pull her knees back or place her feet or calves on your shoulders.
Classic 69: In this position, of course, she lies as described above, while you turn around to face her feet, supporting yourself on your elbows. This puts your genitals right above her face, which has its benefits. If you and your partner like to use a dildo or a vibrator, this is a good position in which to do it—and to watch. “Having his fingers inside me, or having him use the vibrator while he's eating me and I'm sucking him, is the best way for me to come,” says Nikki, a jewelry designer in Australia. “It's overwhelming in a good way, and I feel very full.”
This position also has its drawbacks; many people report that they find 69 unsatisfying because there's too much going on: “I can't concentrate on what I'm feeling, so I just end up sore,” says Bree, a German nurse. “No way—she gets close and forgets to watch her teeth,” says Jorge, a doctor from Spain. Of course, you can always start with 69 and have one of you take a break to concentrate on the business at hand when things get serious. See the 68, below, for one possible option.
The “68”: If you're someone who finds the 69 position more distracting than pleasurable, Midori recommends the “68,” a variant in which you're above her but your body is angled slightly to the side of her, with both of your legs at one side of her head, “so that she knows that her job at that moment is to focus on your masterful tongue technique.” You'll get yours later!
Side-by-side: “I like to lie beside her, with my head on her thigh and my body away from hers in a T-shape,” says Lorenzo, an Italian film-maker. “This started as a way to keep my penis away from her so I wouldn't make a mess, but we discovered that she can come really fast from the position my tongue is in when I lie this way.”
On top: Some couples enjoy having her on top for oral sex: “I can come in seconds if I grind myself into his face,” says Nikki the Aussie. You lie on your back, and she straddles your face. Or have her straddle you at the top of the bed, arching her back against the wall. You can give her oral sex and stimulate her breasts at the same time.
Standing: Her standing, you kneeling in front of her. It's a little difficult to access everything you need to get to, but many women enjoy the dominant feeling this gives them (it's great if she's wearing stilettos). And many couples enjoy the fantasy elements of reversing the traditional blowjob position.
“I can come in seconds if I grind myself into his face.”
On top, reversed: A variation on the 69 is also possible—she slides her torso along the length of yours, holding or kissing and sucking your penis while your tongue stimulates her clit. If you keep your tongue firm and stiff, she can move back and forth. A little massage oil makes the journey even nicer.
From behind: “She's got to be fairly confident for this one,” says Midori. “But the unusual angle of approach makes it more stimulating, as you'll touch and arouse different parts of her vulva. Have her bend forward, using a tall table or kitchen top to support herself. Position yourself behind her, sitting on a chair if necessary, and eat her as though she were a ripe peach.”
Midori teaches a workshop on cunnilingus, often at London's premiere upscale sex emporium, Coco de Mer. In that class, she literally demonstrates the techniques she's teaching by performing oral sex on her female assistant. Sound interesting? She travels all over the world doing this class: You can find the schedule at www.planetmidori.com. And while this book doesn't provide visual aids, we can tell you what Midori has to say, nonetheless.
Draw her a bath. A shower or bath is a good way to kick-start the proceedings. Not only is this relaxing for her (an essential for women before they can start to feel sexual arousal), but it's a pre-emptive strike against any feelings of self-consciousness she might have.
Try it last. For some women, cunnilingus is a good way to get warmed up. But for many more, there's no point in starting there. “I always think, ‘Already?’” says Sarah, an Australian student. “It just doesn't feel all that good before I'm really turned on. I'd rather he start with his hands—or even just with kissing—so I can get all hot and creamy first.” For many women, clitoral stimulation before the area is already engorged with blood is at best useless and at worst, irritating.
Let her be your guide. “Go down her body gently and in increments, first with your hands, pausing to see how she responds,” recommends Dr. Britton. If she's enjoying herself, there will be no ambiguity when your mouth starts its downward trend.
Midori also recommends starting with an ample amount of foreplay. “I'd go so far as to say that the time you take before going down on her is inversely proportional to the time you'll have to spend down there.” Tease her through her clothing, give her a thigh to grind up against while you're making out, lick the spot where her thigh joins her body. The inner thighs, particularly the area directly leading up to her bits, are agonizingly sensitive. Blowing, licking, even light bites can be very effective. At these early stages, Midori suggests that you concentrate on what she calls “the washing-machine-on-spin-cycle principle—the overall vibration has a greater arousing effect than just using a finger or two.”
Pound for pound, the tongue is the strongest muscle in the body, but that doesn't mean that you don't have to train. Your partner might suggest that you “work out” by giving her a tongue lashing every night. Barring that, you'll find that doing some of the following exercises a couple of times a week will get you in fighting shape and reduce the fatigue you feel.
“Place a Lifesaver between the front of your teeth and your lips,” says Japanese-German sex educator Midori. “The hole is her clitoris. Use your tongue tip to trace a circular pattern in one direction and then the other. Then poke the hole with your tongue. Sweep the hole from bottom to top and side to side, circle again and then poke. Repeat often until the Lifesaver breaks or your tongue gives out.”
Also courtesy of Midori: Put a Tic-Tac inside a small clear plastic sandwich bag and pull the bag taut. Kiss and suck it until you can trap the Tic-Tac—standing in here for her clit—using your lips and suction power alone. Don't—we repeat, don't—grip with your teeth or bite down. Then try a more advanced step: When you suck the Tic-Tac inside your lips, drive at it with the tip of your tongue the way you went after the Lifesaver. “This is truly advanced clitoris sucking and licking—it gives her the equivalent feeling you get when she sucks strongly on the head of your penis,” says Midori.
Stick your tongue out as far as possible. Once it's out, waggle it—up and down, around and around. Then reverse direction on the circles. Don't do this on the subway.
Keeping your jaw loose and relaxed, point your tongue and dart it out of your mouth repeatedly. Or stick your tongue out of your mouth and try to curl the tip up. Hold for a couple of seconds, relax, and repeat.
You can also use a plum. Make a split in the center and press your tongue against the slit. “Use the thick, middle part of your tongue on the base of the split and slowly sweep up,” says Midori. “Try pressing and striking with different pressures and speeds. When it comes to the real thing, her moans will be a sure indication of what sends her crazy.” Use your tongue to access the stone and then to remove it (no freestone cheating!). “This exercise works your tongue muscles, increasing your power and stamina while performing cunnilingus—you don't want your tongue to whimper and die at the crucial orgasmic moment, do you?” Midori asks. No, ma'am, we don't.
But there's one more thing to bear in mind: Cunnilingus need not include orgasm for it to be very pleasurable and satisfying.
“Ripping back the covers and diving straight for it isn't a turn-on,” agrees Tracey Cox in her book Supersex. “Anticipation is everything. Work your way down her body—kissing, nibbling, licking nipples, tummy, thighs—and make her wait.” Once you get to her panties, breathe heavily like a prank caller, lick her through them, and then pull them aside. “This will transport her straight back to her first oral experiences (when she was young, trying hard to be good—and failing spectacularly),” says Cox.
And when you get down there, leave her clit for last. By the time you finally touch it, expect “an explosive reaction,” predicts Midori.
READ HER LIPS
As always, a woman's body language will tell you a lot about how she likes the way you're touching her. If your touch is not firm enough, she'll press against you; too rough and she'll withdraw.
Australian-British expert Tracey Cox has some advice for facilitating communication between the two of you during these most delicate of moments.
Show: Let her demonstrate which tongue technique she prefers by asking her to lick your palm with the pressure and rhythm she'd like you to use. You can also get her to do this to your earlobe. Or other protruding bits.
Tell: Ask her to keep her verbal instructions to single-word commands, like “faster,” “slower,” “harder,” and (okay, two words) “don't stop.”
Point: “If you're having trouble hitting her hot spot, ask her to guide you to the right place by forming a V with her fingers, positioning them where she wants you to focus. You lick between them,” says Cox.
Experimenting is half the fun—and something you shouldn't abandon, even if you've already found her sweet spots. “As long as he's not hurting me, it's all good when he's down there,” says Veronica, a secretary in Ecuador. “Even if I can't finish, it feels great.”
The Main Course
There's no hard-and-fast rule about what she's going to like. Some women love a very gentle, almost ghostlike sensation; others, particularly when they're close to coming, want a much more aggressive stroke. The more turned on she is, the more pressure she can take. “As arousal increases, you must also increase the strength and/or speed of your caresses,” says Mabel Iam, an Argentinian psychotherapist, television host, and author of Sex and the Perfect Lover.
Best bet: Experiment with different parts of your tongue. If you stiffen it and use the tip, she will feel a very different sensation than if you relax it and use the whole thing. That doesn't, however, necessarily mean a pointed tongue, just more pressure. In general, unless you have a master plan, a relaxed tongue should be your go-to move. Lick her as if she were an ice-cream cone. With sprinkles. And hot fudge.
Here are some specific moves you can try.
Start with the lips. Kiss her labia as if you were kissing the lips on her face. Nuzzle your face in there. Lick her mound. Separate the outer lips, and then the inner ones. Run your tongue around her labia.
Go in circles. With a relaxed tongue, lick up and around the clitoris—not on top of it. Do this gently and slowly. “Make slow circles around the circumference and combine this with an up-and-down lapping motion,” Cox recommends. Remember, what you can see and feel is just the tip of the iceberg, so covering the surrounding areas is not a waste of time.
“According to some experts, one side of the clitoris is often more pleasure-prone than the other,” says Cox. At any rate, you can have fun testing the hypothesis: Cox recommends asking her to keep one leg bent at the knee and angled outward—then switch sides.
Be her friend Flicka. After a few long strokes that gently massage her whole vulva, add a tongue-tip flick at her clit. “The combination of stimulation on her inner lips and the erotic tickle of your tongue tip sends her into an extreme pleasure spin,” says Midori.
Midori also advises you to forget about the advice your camp counselor gave you: Don't lick the alphabet on her clit. “For the majority of women, this will simply prove frustrating, and it's highly unlikely to bring her to orgasm.”
Make the sound of one tongue lapping. Again, consistency is key with this basic stroke. Keep your tongue broad and relaxed.
Hold your tongue. “A flat, still tongue is one of the most underestimated oral-sex techniques,” says Kerner. “It's great for inducing orgasm, but it's also a nice breather between strokes.” Gently push your tongue into her vulva and let her do the work, setting the pace, pressure, and rhythm.
Lick her as if she were an ice-cream cone. With sprinkles. And hot fudge.
Roll your tongue. If you're one of the genetically able (some people can do this, some can't—and no amount of practice will get you there if you can't), roll your tongue into a tube around her clit and then slide it back and forth.
Suck. Take her clit into your mouth and suck it—ever so gently. “Sucking on her clitoris and labia creates a unique feeling, and when contrasted with the usual friction can lead to more and better orgasms,” says Bob Schwartz, PhD, author of The One-Hour Orgasm. We repeat, do it gently—no hard-core hoovering—and release it quickly. This is a very intense sensation.
Insert your tongue. You can, of course, insert your tongue into her vagina. A little of this goes a long way—the greatest concentration of nerve endings in this area is right at the opening, so spending your time and energy there makes the most sense. You probably will want to penetrate her when she's getting ready to come; using your hands makes the best sense.
Use your lips. Your tongue will get tired if you don't change it up. Purse your lips and nuzzle, or give passionate, deep French-style “kisses” to her clit. Another stamina tip: The farther your tongue is extended, the more tired it's going to get. Instead, get up close and personal.
Use your hands. You probably already use them to caress the rest of her body while you're busy down there, and that's fine, but you shouldn't hesitate to involve them in the main event. Use them on her clitoris when your tongue needs a break. Use them to stimulate her G-spot, or to adjust her position for the most favorable possible access to the clitoris. You can give a woman an orgasm without your hands, but with them, you can give her a much, much better one.
“When my partner goes down on me, I love him to do a ‘come here’ signal very slowly with two fingers inside me, especially if he's gently licking my clit at the same time,” says Emma, a British publicist.
Ava Cadell, PhD, a Hungarian-born, British-raised expert who has traveled and taught widely throughout the world, suggests full-on multitasking: Lick her clitoris, stimulate her G-spot with one hand, and brush your other hand all through the intimate terrain of her butt. “If you can do that,” Dr. Cadell says, “she's never going to let you go.”
DEBBIE DOESN'T DO DOCUMENTARIES
The majority of mainstream porn happens to be a singularly bad resource for information about how best to give oral sex to a woman. Best to stick to an educational video for the real deal—but trust us, this is no Blood on the Highway. Our favorite is Nina Hartley's Guide to Better Cunnilingus.
Use your—nose? Your nose, believe it or not, makes an excellent clitoral stimulator. “Why not? It's right there!” says Neil, a graphic artist in Sydney. “It also allows me to have my tongue inside her when she comes, which is my favorite thing.”
Use a toy. A dildo or vibrator can be an excellent addition to oral sex. If it buzzes—or even if it doesn't—it can give your tongue and hands a welcome break, or hold the line while you shift position. And many women enjoy the sensation of having something inside when they come.
But not your teeth. Be “very careful about teeth,” warns Mabel Iam. “Use them ever so softly.” ‘Nuff said.
Hum. Vibrations of any kind can be very pleasurable. “I sometimes put my mouth over the whole area and then hum—buzzing her. It's like using a vibrator,” says Alessio, an Italian museum curator.
Blow bubbles. Take a swig of champagne before going down, then use your tongue to swirl the bubbles around her clitoris. Nerve endings react to bubbles. In a very good way.
Curiouser and curiouser. A mint can give her a curiously strong orgasm. Stick to the wintergreen flavor; peppermint oil can sting her. (One of our staffers found this out the hard way. About which he can only say, “Sorry, honey.”)
The Single Most Important Piece of Advice in This Whole Chapter
“Women orgasm through consistent rhythmical stimulation, so once she's enjoying a particular move, don't change what you're doing,” says Midori.
Many women do enjoy a variety of sensations, particularly at the beginning. Don't continue for too long with the same stroke unless she asks you to. But once you've hit something she likes, keep a constant repetitive motion going.
Midori advises you to pay attention to how she moves her hips when you're going down on her. “If she's grinding or moving about, don't follow that motion with your mouth or change your rhythm to suit. Stay as you are, and allow her to find the right spot or movement to get her to orgasm. She's just adjusting the positioning, so if you move with her, you're spoiling her efforts.”
And then don't stop—for the love of God, don't stop. “If she suddenly freezes in a position, holding her hips up while tensing her abs to stay as she is, it means only one thing: you're getting it spot on,” says Midori. “If you continue as you were, keeping the pace and pressure steady, she'll begin to feel fantastic waves of pleasure.”
Don't stop until you're sure it's over—and until you get to know her very, very well, that might mean wait until she moves away. Many women want to be stimulated all the way through, and misjudging this can severely upset her applecart at a most sensitive moment. “Don't stop until the shuddering of her body slows and her body becomes limp,” warns Midori.
If You Encounter Resistance
“I love eating pussy—I dream about it! But it makes my current girlfriend uncomfortable,” says Jonas, a journalist in Portugal. “If she lets me go down at all, it's just for a few minutes, and she's stiff as a board; I can tell she's counting the seconds until it's over.”
We asked women why they turned down oral sex, and we used their objections to come up with a series of recommendations to help even the most resistant woman to come around, so to speak.
She's worried it's going to take too long. Despite the advances women have made in the last century, “most women are conditioned to nurture and give to others and to put themselves last—so much so that many women actually get more pleasure out of giving than receiving,” says Barbara Carrellas, sex educator and author of Urban Tantra: Sacred Sex for the Twenty-First Century. “When they make love with someone else, they often deny their own pleasure by thinking they are taking too long to orgasm and that their partner must be getting bored.”
ENOUGH ABOUT HER—WHAT ABOUT YOU?
This chapter is supposed to be about making you the most confident man in the world. Well, there's nothing like the ministrations of a good woman to make a man feel invincible. So we asked women around the world for their best (and most beloved) fellatio tricks. Here are some you're not going to want to miss.
“Lots and lots and lots of saliva. And if he's big, it helps to use my hands at the bottom.”—Devon, a pharmaceutical sales rep in London
“I call it the corkscrew. It sounds more complicated than it is, but it's basically a swirling motion, with my hands and mouth going in the opposite direction. Never fails.”—Anonymous
“I like to alternate hot and cold. I always have a tisane before bed; a sip of warm tea makes for a very surprising sensation. So does cold water—or champagne!”—Yvonne, a cosmetics executive in Paris
“A well-lubricated and well-placed finger is a special treat in our house. When he's in my mouth, I can really feel the difference in how he comes.”—Mika, a model from Ukraine
“Eye contact. My boyfriend likes to watch, and it always made me self-conscious. But it gives both of us an incredible charge to watch the other.”—Belinda, a pediatric nurse from Surrey, England
“One hand on him, one hand on me! The more into it I get, the more uninhibited—he loves to feel (and hear!) how excited I'm making myself.”—Anonymous
So let her know how much you appreciate what she does for you, and don't forget to compliment her technique—the women we talked to were surprisingly insecure.
A note: Almost every woman we talked to complained about having your hands on her head. While that might be a turn-on for you, cupping her face or playing with her hair (maybe clearing it out of her face so that you can watch) is a much better strategy.
Now all you have to do is lie back and enjoy.
This is one of the arguments Midori gives for ample foreplay—and for making sure that she's all revved up before you go down: “She'll feel self-conscious if she's taking ages to come and will be inclined to fake it to save your ego.”
Give her the greatest gift of all—all the time in the world. Make it very clear to her that there's no timetable, that you'll rest when you're tired, and that you really, really like what you're doing. And if you're just learning the lay of the land, take her orgasm off the table—for both of you. It can be a lot of pressure, on both of you. Tell her that you just want to experiment with what feels good.
Bathe her. “When I was growing up, the boys down the block used to make jokes about prawn and mayonnaise whenever the girls were around,” says Elizabeth, a 33-year-old nanny from Leeds, England. “The shame of it still makes my face red. Even when I'm sure that I'm completely clean, I still feel self-conscious about having someone down there.”
Although the majority of men find the smell of their lovers very sexy, a lot of women hold on to this insecurity, most often the result of a playground joke. It's a tragedy, but it can be overcome.
First, make sure that you approach for oral sex only when you know she's had the chance to take a shower or bath first—perhaps because you ran the water and scattered the rose petals? “I love oral, anywhere, anyhow. No self-consciousness for me! But sure, even I wonder if everything's copasetic after a long day's walking about in the heat. Better wait till I've had a shower, mate!” says Mac, a doctor from Perth, Australia.
You'll also want to make it clear that her personal smell not only doesn't offend you, but in fact has strongly the opposite effect on you. “I finally got over this because my boyfriend would always bury his face in my crotch while we were watching television and breathe in deeply, telling me how much he loved the way I smelled,” says nanny Elizabeth. “I finally gave in and believed him!”
KNOCK YOURSELF OUT
The thing we heard over and over from the women we talked to was that enthusiasm is everything. “The thing that turns me on most is how enthusiastic my boyfriend is about oral sex,” says Liat, a retail store manager from Israel. “He buries his face, and just goes crazy! It makes me feel so sexy when I see how excited he gets—better, even, than the feeling itself.”
WHO WEARS SHORT SHORTS?
To depilate, or not to depilate—for many women, that is the question. Some men are turned on when she goes totally bare; others prefer a thicket they can run their fingers through. Or you can have the best of both worlds—former Playmate Deborah Driggs and Karen Risch, coauthors of Hot Pink: The Girl's Guide to Primping, Passion, and Pubic Fashion, say they've been hearing about a new trend: natural up top, bare below.
There's historical precedence for all kinds of artistry down there. Explicit images from ancient Chinese and Indian art show proudly revealed vulvas. In medieval Europe, total hairlessness was practiced also—probably to contain lice epidemics. And of course, we have Brazil to thank for the eponymous Brazilian wax, which leaves just about everything down there completely bare.
Whatever your preference, oral sex will be easier if the hairs directly above the clitoris are kept short. This is, of course, something that you can do together. In fact, you can try pubic grooming as a starter kit for kink: More than 67 percent of women we surveyed said they'd be up for a trim, if asked (and 55 percent have gone completely bare at least once). “It helps pave the way for more playful experimentation,” says Candida Royalle, a producer of femme-friendly adult films and a veteran adult-film star, who suggests offering to let her trim you first. (Ninety-five percent of men said they'd be up for a trim. It does, incidentally, make your junk look bigger.)
If she's nervous, remind her that in ancient Greece, plucking to achieve the desired shape was the norm—ouch! And while you're down there, have fun with it. If she goes completely bare, you can experiment with stencils, stick-on jewels, and patterns.
Hot Pink: The Girl's Guide to Primping, Passion, and Pubic Fashion is an eBook, available at www.hotpinkbook.com. If you're in the mood to send a sexy e-mail, a link to this site will do the trick—tell her to pick out something she likes, and you'll happily help her implement it tonight. And don't forget to let her reciprocate.
Some other products we think you may appreciate as you embark on this project:
The Schick Protector Safety Razor: Uses ultra-fine safety wires to give you a close shave without fear. $10.99
Coochy Shave: Extra-gentle, rashproof shaving lotion for your most private parts. $9.99
Both are available at www.shopinprivate.com.
And, if you don't like the way she tastes, that doesn't have to mean that you can't dine in style. Use a flavored lube—the ID brand, for instance, has 12 flavors ranging from passionfruit to strawberry kiwi. Just make sure that it's dye- and sugar-free—anything that isn't can cause her uncomfortable yeast infections.
“He's too rough!” “My boyfriend has magic fingers and is a very gentle lover, but the second his mouth is between my legs, he's a jackhammer!” says Anna from Ukraine. “When I try to move away, he grabs my ass and pulls me even closer. I finally had to tell him: ‘I'm not being coy—you're hurting me!’”
According to the ladies we interviewed, this is probably the worst technical mistake men make during oral sex. But don't despair—it's very easy to correct course! “Guys think they need to thrust and flick,” says Dr. Kerner. “But often what she wants is a firm, still tongue—a point of pressure—so she can set the rhythm and pace.”
Compliment her. Women who worry about the way they look down there are less likely to orgasm easily during oral sex, according to Debbie Herbenick, PhD, the Men's Health “Bedroom Confidential” columnist. And a recent study published in the Journal of Sex Research suggests that women who feel embarrassed or ashamed about their bodies have less sexual experience and are less sexually assertive.
“Seduce her with soft words all the time to raise her self-esteem,” says Mabel Iam. Clearly, you have everything to gain with flattery. If you love the way she looks naked—and you do, right?—share the news with her.